Ep. 2 | From One Generation to Another: The Importance of Mentorship in Family Life
As the episode unfolds, Kathy elaborates on the Scripture passage from Titus 2, which outlines the responsibilities of older women to mentor younger women. She articulates the significance of exhibiting reverent behavior, the dangers of slander, and the importance of self-control. Kathy emphasizes that these virtues are not mere suggestions but are essential for living a life that honors God. The discussion shifts towards the practical application of these teachings, such as the role of women in the household and the necessity of loving one's husband and children. Kathy's insights provide a refreshing perspective on the challenges faced by women today, urging them to embrace their God-given roles with grace and diligence. The hosts contribute their thoughts, creating a dynamic exchange that resonates with listeners seeking guidance in their own lives.
Transcript
Hello, and welcome to the Wise, her podcast where we might not be qualified, but we are commanded to give you advice.
Speaker A:So I'll be your host, Megan, and I have Nikki here with me today.
Speaker B:Hello.
Speaker A:And today is a very special episode.
Speaker A:So like I stated in episode one, we are going to have a special guest today.
Speaker A:Ms.
Speaker A:Kathy is going to be joining us and she's going to be teaching over the portion of scripture where we are commanded to teach the young woman how to be wives and mothers.
Speaker A:So one thing I wanted to say about Kathy, and I think I said this in the first episode as well, but I started going to her church.
Speaker A:Well, it was her husband was the senior pastor when I was 14 years old.
Speaker A:So I've.
Speaker A:She's been with me as I've walked through being a teenager and was there when I got married, was there when I had my children.
Speaker A:So, I mean, she's not only walked with me through a lot of seasons and a lot of difficult situations, but I've also witnessed her walk as well.
Speaker A:And she's been, I mean, out of a lot of women that I've had in my life over the years, she has been the most consistent, I would say, as far as her walk with the Lord.
Speaker A:And I feel like when you're in your teens, early 20s, you feel like you're going to get to a certain point where walking with God is going to be easier, where you, you get to a point where you think, oh, well, one day I'm not going to struggle with this.
Speaker A:One day I'm not gonna want to murder the person driving slow in front of me on the interstate like, you think, you think you'll eventually get support where you grow out of all that stuff.
Speaker A:And I think as I get older, the more I realize that you don't.
Speaker A:You, you still have struggles and things.
Speaker A:And so to have someone that you can see consistently walk with the Lord through different seasons and she's just not wavered.
Speaker A:And I just feel like everyone needs to hear her wisdom.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And I think I've mentioned this to you before.
Speaker A:Some of my favorite movies are treasure hunting movies like Fool's Gold.
Speaker A:Have you ever seen that one?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:With Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey.
Speaker A:I love Fool's Gold.
Speaker A:I love National Treasure.
Speaker A:And one of my favorite things about those movies is they've gone and they've unearthed this treasure and they realize that this treasure is too great for just one person to have.
Speaker A:So both of those movies end in, like, ribbon cutting ceremonies where they have these museums and now they are letting the world see this, this beauty that they've been able to, to discover.
Speaker A:And that's kind of how I feel about Kathy.
Speaker A:I feel like she is a national treasure.
Speaker A:She is just a, a treasure trove of wisdom and beauty.
Speaker A:And I feel like everyone needs to have access to her wisdom.
Speaker A:It's the, what I've gained from her over the decades, I don't know, you haven't even counted how long I've known her.
Speaker A:But the decades that I've known her, I feel like it's time for me to be able to share that gift that I've been given and that everyone needs access to the wisdom that she has.
Speaker B:She's your mentor.
Speaker A:She really is.
Speaker A:She has been for a long time.
Speaker A:So next we're going to be hearing from Ms.
Speaker A:Kathy.
Speaker A:Ms.
Speaker A:Kathy, welcome to episode two of the Y Star podcast.
Speaker B:Thank you for having me.
Speaker B:Glad that you're here with us.
Speaker A:So why don't you just for the listeners that don't know you yet, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:Well, I'm a Southern California girl and was born and raised out there.
Speaker B:And sophomore year of high school my friend took me to church and I realized that I was going in the wrong direction.
Speaker B:I had two roads to choose and I realized that I wanted to choose life and so gave my life to the Lord.
Speaker B:Started going to a really great Bible based church and my senior year I met this really cute guy named Tim that just radiated Jesus.
Speaker B:And I wasn't looking for anybody but we got really serious pretty fast and got married at the old age of 19 and, and he was 21.
Speaker B:So we started this journey of marriage.
Speaker B:He had God was using him.
Speaker B:He had the gift of teaching but said he was never ever going to be a pastor.
Speaker B:And so I loved his personality because I was very shy.
Speaker B:He never met a stranger and I thought this is great.
Speaker B:I don't really ever have to say anything because he's just going to do all the talking.
Speaker B:Well, so we, we had a few kids when we lived in California and then he was born in Chattanooga and always wanted to move out here.
Speaker B: t up, moved to Saudi daisy in: Speaker B:He was not in the ministry and we had two more children here.
Speaker B:So we have four children.
Speaker B: And in: Speaker B:And so I knew Immediately that it was God speaking because he had always said he was never ever going to be a pastor.
Speaker B:But he loved the Lord so much that if God was going to call him, he was not going to say no.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B: So in: Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So he was a.
Speaker B:He was bivocational for eight years and was a pastor and has business and so anyway, I just became a pastor's wife and didn't know what that looked like, but I was willing to learn.
Speaker B:So fast forward.
Speaker B:Our kids are all grown now.
Speaker B:Our oldest is 36.
Speaker B:I have a 34 year old, 31 and 28.
Speaker B:And I have five beautiful grandchildren.
Speaker B:Sydney who's nine, Cohen who is six.
Speaker B:Murphy who's four.
Speaker B:And she told me one of the ages I'm gonna.
Speaker B:Murphy is four, Aiden is four and Al, and the baby is two and a half.
Speaker B:But he doesn't think he's a baby.
Speaker B:He likes to keep up with the big kids.
Speaker B:So I love being a grandmother and I love.
Speaker B:My life has been good.
Speaker B:There's been a lot of challenges and bumps in the road, but I am so glad to be here and share from the Word with you today.
Speaker A:Well, thank you.
Speaker A:So I did.
Speaker A:I talked about you a little bit in, in our intro before you stepped in and was talking a little bit.
Speaker A:I started going to this church that you and Tim started when I was 14 and that you've been instrumental in helping me through a, a lot of mile bumps in the road.
Speaker A:You've been with me through teenage years, through getting married and becoming a mother and all the stuff that's come along with that.
Speaker A:So whenever we were talking about doing this podcast and just focusing on that, the part of scripture where we are commanded to teach the younger women how to be wives and mothers.
Speaker A:I was talking with Wren and we were like, we have to have Kathy for that episode.
Speaker A:We have to have Kathy.
Speaker A:She has to be the one that talks about this because I feel like you've embodied first of all, if there was a picture in the dictionary and a definition of how to be a pastor's wife, I think it would be your picture and your bio in that.
Speaker A:You've been incredible.
Speaker A:And so it's just an honor to have you here teaching us this part because I feel like we're, we're going to be kind of the next generation that's helping the next generation of moms.
Speaker A:I mean, so.
Speaker A:Okay, how old were you then whenever you and Tim started the church around 30.
Speaker A:Oh, so you're even younger than I am.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Because I will be 40 in November.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And I feel like I remember when you guys were like, 40.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And you're in your girls or your age when I met you.
Speaker B:So time flies so wild.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I remember when my mom was my age and thinking how old and stupid she was.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:And I'm pretty sure my daughters think the same thing about me.
Speaker A:And then, of course, you get older and you realize my mom was right about everything.
Speaker A:She knows so many things.
Speaker A:And I shared this already about.
Speaker A:I feel like when you're younger, you think there will be.
Speaker A:And I've shared this with you before.
Speaker A:You think there's going to be a time in life where it's going to be easier to follow the Lord or you're not going to have as many challenges that one day you're going to.
Speaker A:I don't know, like, this magical halo is going to appear over your head and you're going to have this, aw.
Speaker A:Moment where, oh, everything's peace.
Speaker A:And I don't know where I got that idea from if everybody that in that age group feels that way, but the older I get, the more I realize it doesn't get any easier.
Speaker A:Not to discourage anyone, but it just doesn't.
Speaker B:Right, right, right.
Speaker A:And so I've witnessed watching you walk through all these different things and you'd never wavered through any of that.
Speaker A:And that's a huge.
Speaker A:It's a convicting for me, but it's something that I want to strive towards.
Speaker A:So thank you for that.
Speaker B:So it's very humbling that you say that because I have always felt so inadequate for to be a pastor's wife.
Speaker B:And then I never, like, when was I going to get it and be like, I know what to do now?
Speaker B:I always felt like I just don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker B:Even, like, you know, 10 years in, I guess.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:You never reach a point where you're.
Speaker B:Like, but you look at other people and think they've got it, that pastor's wife has it together.
Speaker B:Why do I freak out every time I have an event and I have to plan before people, you know, But I think in a way that's a good thing, because if we got that mentality that, okay, I've got this God.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:That's when pride takes over.
Speaker B:That's when, you know, so if we know that, you know, without the Lord, I'm gonna fall on my face, you know, whether it's being a mom or your work, ministry, whatever, then you're dependent upon the Lord, and you.
Speaker B:You trust him, knowing that without him, you can do nothing.
Speaker A:So, wow.
Speaker A:See, Look, I know, right?
Speaker A:I told you guys.
Speaker A:She's.
Speaker A:I explained.
Speaker A:I explained you as, like, uncovering treasure.
Speaker A:You know, as you walk through life, you, like, unearth the wisdom and knowledge, and you come across people that have wisdom and understanding in things, and you're like that hidden treasure that I've had access to for so long.
Speaker A:So hopefully with this episode, more people get access to your wisdom, and it's, like, already sorting.
Speaker B:No pressure, no champion, no pressure at all.
Speaker A:Okay, so if you would, for us, can you dive in a little bit more into the scripture?
Speaker A:We're going to be kind of looking in today because it's going to lay the foundation of our future episodes.
Speaker A:And it just sets the stage for why we're doing what we're doing.
Speaker A:And we say at the beginning of the episodes that we're not qualified, but we are commanded.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:So if you could dive into that a little bit more for us.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So I just wanted to, as you said, lay a foundation of the, you know, Titus 2, you know, it's an epistle written by Paul, and he's writing to Titus, a young pastor, and he's advising him to appoint men of spiritual character to oversee the work of the church.
Speaker B:And Paul also instructs Titus that both men and women, young and old, each have important roles within the church to be fulfilled.
Speaker B:And so in these stresses that we are to be examples to those around us as we practically work out our salvation day by day and produce the good works that God has prepared for us.
Speaker B:In Ephesians 2:10, it says, for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do so.
Speaker B:Titus 2.
Speaker B:The Lord gives a blueprint to live by for us as Christian women.
Speaker B:We'll look at what God wants us to do, and we'll give him the glory in our lives.
Speaker B:So the Lord addresses our behavior, our speech, our relationships, and our character as he shows us as women what will honor him by what we do so, and then as I began praying over this passage of Scripture, and specifically the call to women to equip the next generation, I thought about many conversations that I've had with women over the years.
Speaker B:A lot of young women who desperately wanted an older woman to mentor them.
Speaker B:But very few older women seemed willing to make that Commitment.
Speaker B:Interesting.
Speaker B:And I've also seen where older women have provided studies to teach the younger women.
Speaker B:And yet some of the young ladies failed to count the cost of discipleship and didn't make time to actually complete what they were so eager to start.
Speaker B:So, and in my case, I've never had anyone take me under my wing and mentor me.
Speaker B:I mean, it would have been really great, but.
Speaker B:But God was faithful.
Speaker B:He used other means in order to fulfill the plan he had for me.
Speaker B:And so I'll explain a little bit more about that, you know, in that journey later.
Speaker B:So let's get started.
Speaker B:We jump in in Titus verse chapter two, verse three, where Paul is talking to Titus and instructing the older women of how they are supposed to conduct themselves.
Speaker B:And it says the older women that they may be reverent in behavior, not slanders, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.
Speaker B:So as I shared in my testimony about becoming a pastor's wife, so I had no idea how to do a women's ministry, but I knew that I wanted the women in our church to have a ministry where they could be taught, where they could be encouraged to sit before the Lord, open, open the word.
Speaker B:And so, and I felt totally in equipped to do that.
Speaker B:I was, like I said, very shy.
Speaker B:My husband was the talkative one.
Speaker B:So a mentor of mine said, well, just because you're the pastor's wife, that does not mean that you have to lead women's ministry.
Speaker B:You can just wait for an older woman in the Lord.
Speaker B:I shared the story with you to come that you feel like minded that you would feel comfortable her teaching the women.
Speaker B:So I waited and I prayed and I watched and I waited for this older woman in the Lord to come and take over women's ministry.
Speaker B:And she never came.
Speaker B:She never came.
Speaker B:And God said, it's you, it's you.
Speaker B:I want you to do this ministry.
Speaker B:And I just felt like I can't do it.
Speaker B:You've seen, when I stand up in front of people, I turn completely red.
Speaker B:I can't do this.
Speaker B:But God was faithful, so.
Speaker B:And now that I am truly an older woman, I have mentored a handful of younger ladies one on one.
Speaker B:And it's been incredibly sweet and fulfilling because in those days, as an early pastor's wife, some of the women in our women's ministry were older than me.
Speaker B:They'd been married longer than me, but God called me to do this.
Speaker B:So I did it to the best of my ability, kept pointing them to the scripture and.
Speaker B:But it was so sweet.
Speaker B:To really, like, have it right where, okay, I'm older.
Speaker B:This woman I'm mentoring could be my daughter.
Speaker B:And it really matched up with Scripture.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:All right, so let's look at the first trait for the older woman, and which is reverent in behavior.
Speaker B:And this means to live in a way that honors God, to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy.
Speaker B:And in Ephesians 1, it says, I urge you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called.
Speaker B:With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Speaker B:And I just want to tell you that people are watching wherever you are.
Speaker B:I can't tell you how many times that someone I didn't know commented about something they had seen me do.
Speaker B:I noticed you serving.
Speaker B:I noticed your smile.
Speaker B:I noticed you praying.
Speaker B:I noticed your countenance.
Speaker B:Just for example, last Sunday during worship, the Lord was ministering to me so sweetly, and I just couldn't stop the tears.
Speaker B:It was just like I was in the arms of Jesus and I was sitting by myself.
Speaker B:My husband was working, and it was just such a sweet time.
Speaker B:Well, a woman noticed me and she brought me a tissue, and she says, I hope you're okay.
Speaker B:And I was.
Speaker B:I actually was really good.
Speaker B:But the tissue you.
Speaker B:Was helpful.
Speaker B:But again, people are watching.
Speaker B:They notice you.
Speaker B:And that can be really good as long as you're doing something good.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:But sometimes it's not always the case.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:We're showing our colors.
Speaker B:Okay, this is a bad example of me.
Speaker B:So last month, I was serving in children's ministry, which I love to do.
Speaker B:And I confess I wasn't exhibiting very good behavior because when I got here, they were shorthanded and they know what class I really like to do, but they needed me in this class that is not my favorite, right?
Speaker B:And so I let them know it wasn't my favorite.
Speaker B:And I wasn't really in the best attitude.
Speaker B:And I grumbled and I complained, but I fulfilled my commitment.
Speaker B:But later, the Lord really convicted me, like, okay, you need to go to these people and apologize for how you act.
Speaker B:And everyone was so gracious, but I was humbled.
Speaker B:I was humbled by my God ungodly actions.
Speaker B:So we need to live out this verse in Matthew 5:16, which says, Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, which includes our behavior, and glorify the Father in heaven.
Speaker B:All right, so our behavior.
Speaker B:Next one is, our words were not to be slanderers.
Speaker B:And when you slander, it's the act of harming someone's reputation by spreading damaging lies about them.
Speaker B: Proverbs: Speaker B:In James 3 says, the tongue is a fire.
Speaker B:No man can tame it.
Speaker B:It's an unruly evil, full of deadly poison, and it is set on fire by hell.
Speaker B:Slander is so hurtful, and the enemy loves to use it to wound God's people.
Speaker B:In Ephesians 6, it tells us that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places.
Speaker B:So when the deadly poison of slander comes at us, especially, Especially from someone who we're really close to, we need to consider the true source.
Speaker B:A slanderous tongue can be set on fire by hell itself.
Speaker B:God calls older women to not be this way, to not be slanderers.
Speaker B:It's been said that God created us with two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak.
Speaker B:James 1:19 says, Let every man be swift to hear and slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Speaker B:Ephesians 4:29 says, Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:Third on the list is not given to much wine.
Speaker B:Notice that the older women are not asked to drink no wine at all.
Speaker B:But one translation says it this way.
Speaker B:Do not be slaves to excessive drinking.
Speaker B:So where's the line, how much is too much?
Speaker B:Ephesians 5:17, and 18 says, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Speaker B:So from this passage, we see that we are not to get drunk or by definition, be dependent upon alcohol, but our sin nature always wants to know how close we can get to the line and not cross over it.
Speaker B:If we are living close to the line that is too much to drink, then it's easy to get pulled over into a bad place.
Speaker B:This is something that Tim and I decided as young adults, that this would be an area where scripture gave us liberty if we wanted to take it.
Speaker B:But we made the choice to not drink at all.
Speaker B:We both had family members that had struggled heavily with alcohol, and we witnessed the devastation that it produced in their lives.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So when studying the Word, we came to 1 Corinthians 8, and we were convinced that this stance is what the Lord had For us in particular, the chapter is about eating things that were dedicated to idols.
Speaker B:But the principle that is applied in 1 Corinthians was exactly what we wanted, you know, to witness to our family.
Speaker B:Because in verse 9, in 1 Corinthians 8, it says, Beware, lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.
Speaker B:And in verse 13 it says, if food, in this case alcohol, as we were applying it, makes my brother stumble, I will never again partake, lest I make my brother stumble.
Speaker B:So we just felt so strongly that we didn't want to use our liberty to drink, to stumble others.
Speaker B:But again, this is our personal conviction and not the letter of the law.
Speaker B:But when you look at also Proverbs 31, King Lemuel's mother taught him about the dangers of intoxicating drink.
Speaker B:Verse 4 and 5 says, it is not for kings to drink wine, nor for princes intoxicating drink, lest they drink and forget the law and pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
Speaker B:So obviously older women are not royalty, but they do have authority, as they admonish the younger women, as we'll see in the next verse in Titus 2, the older women need to be clear headed as they lead by example and teach others.
Speaker B:All right, so the last on the list for the older women is to be a teacher of good things.
Speaker B:And by definition, a teacher is a person who helps students acquire knowledge, competence, or virtue.
Speaker B:So as an older woman, we have had many years under our belts and have learned many skills that we can pass down to others.
Speaker B:The topics are literally endless.
Speaker B:There's so many things.
Speaker B:One of my favorites is cooking.
Speaker B:And I love to get my granddaughters in the kitchen and spend time with them and, and bake big new things.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:But you could just.
Speaker B:That topic is just endless.
Speaker B:All right, so what are the older women encouraged to admonish to the younger women?
Speaker B:Verse 4 says, and they.
Speaker B:The older women admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
Speaker B:All right, first on the list here is love your husband.
Speaker B:What does it look like to love your husband?
Speaker B:This is a Bible study all in itself.
Speaker B:You know, loving your husband could take a very long time.
Speaker B:But I decided to go back to Genesis where it all began, right?
Speaker B:So Genesis 3:18.
Speaker B:And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone.
Speaker B:I will make him a helper comparable to him Tim And I have this running joke.
Speaker B:Every time I help him with something, I say that I have job security.
Speaker B:My job is definitely secure.
Speaker B:Women were created because God needed our help.
Speaker B:When I look at my marriage and almost every other marriage, the man and the woman are complete opposites.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:And because opposites attract, the two fall in love.
Speaker B:And they say I do.
Speaker B:To the most opposite person on the planet.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Have you and Jim been married?
Speaker B:We have been married almost 41 years.
Speaker A:Oh, wow.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Pretty long time.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:But, you know, when the opposites come together, it's actually God's perfect, perfect plan for us.
Speaker B:He knows that where one person is weak, the other one's going to be strong.
Speaker B:He knows that one who's really good at something, the other one is not going to be so good at it at all.
Speaker B:But these differences become like sharp pieces of metal, you know, and cause great pain.
Speaker B:After the honeymoon period has ended, the sparks fly.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Because you're so opposite.
Speaker B: Proverbs: Speaker B:And as a wife, your.
Speaker B:Your husband's friend.
Speaker A:That's so sweet.
Speaker B:Sweet.
Speaker B:So sometimes as husband and wife, the sparks fly because we're so different, as I said.
Speaker B:But that.
Speaker B:That is part of God's plan over time, our countenance shines after 40 years.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Because we perfectly compliment each other.
Speaker B:It doesn't mean that he doesn't still drive me crazy sometimes like he did this weekend, but we compliment each other and we get over it quickly.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So to answer the question of what does it look like to love your husband?
Speaker B:God has created me uniquely to be the helper for my own husband, has created every woman uniquely to be the helper for their husband.
Speaker B:I've helped my husband move across the country.
Speaker B:I've helped him through the pain of abuse in his childhood.
Speaker B:I've helped him be a business owner by taking up the slack around the house when he was so busy.
Speaker B:I've helped him find his keys and his wallet and his glasses more times than I can count.
Speaker B:I've helped him through health issues.
Speaker B:I've helped him as a pastor's wife.
Speaker B:But you see, God has created each of us to be a helper to our own husbands in very specific ways.
Speaker B:Your list is going to look completely different than mine, but that's how God planned it.
Speaker B:You know, if we have this cookie cutter, A, B, C, D, we don't need to trust the Lord.
Speaker B:But because each of our husbands are different, there are Some things that every man needs, but in the specific way that God has created us to be his helper, we need specific instructions from the Lord.
Speaker B:And so we just need to be dependent upon God to show us what that is.
Speaker B:So, next one.
Speaker B:Love your children.
Speaker B:So again, my four adult children and five grandchildren.
Speaker B:Even though I've been an empty nester for several years now, the love I have for my children is just as strong as ever before.
Speaker B:You never stop being a mom.
Speaker B:You know, I thought, okay, you're a mom until they're 18.
Speaker B:That's totally false.
Speaker B:That's a lie, isn't it?
Speaker B:Totally false.
Speaker B:And one thing I.
Speaker A:That from Nikki.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like, the.
Speaker A:Where I'm like, we'll be talking about her adult son, and I'm like, so you're telling me you don't stop, worry?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:And then I'm like, awesome, thanks.
Speaker A:Thanks.
Speaker B:It's a cha.
Speaker B:It's a.
Speaker B:I'm.
Speaker B:I'm learning that because I'm in the thick of that right now.
Speaker A:But it's like the worry changes.
Speaker A:There's always gonna.
Speaker A:It's just never gonna stop.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Am I right?
Speaker A:Like, what I'm saying figure out yes.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm asking as, like, someone.
Speaker B:Who has taken care of that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And you.
Speaker B:You pray even more fervently because they're adults and they can make their own choices.
Speaker B:And you can't say, oh, you're disobeying.
Speaker B:You're grounded.
Speaker B:I got your phone.
Speaker B:No, they're adults and they're making decisions that are gonna affect the rest of their life, and you have no recourse.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:If you feel so helpless, or is.
Speaker A:There more, even less control than when we were talking about earlier?
Speaker A:Like, the control factor that you've had.
Speaker A:And then it's like, oh, I'm just.
Speaker B:Supposed to let you go and do it?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It's hard, right?
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:I feel like it's when.
Speaker B:After I entered it and started to experience some of these things that, like, this is the hardest season of motherhood that I think there is.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:Yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I'm not even.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Completely through it yet.
Speaker A:Like, my oldest is 21, but, like, holy moby.
Speaker A:Like, it's almost like I've been on my knees more in the last five years than I have ever praying over.
Speaker B:And for my kids.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I get that.
Speaker B:So whether you have a newborn or a toddler or teenagers or adult children, I found that First Corinthians 13 is the perfect guide to know how to love them.
Speaker B:So when they're making bad choices, how do I love them?
Speaker B:So think of your children and specific circumstances that you're facing with them as I read this and allow the Lord to speak to you.
Speaker B:Okay, so First Corinthians.
Speaker B:Love suffers long and is kind.
Speaker B:Love does not envy.
Speaker B:Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked.
Speaker B:Do our kids provoke us?
Speaker B:Especially if you're just like one of your children and their teenagers, you're gonna think, no, evil love does not the one that provokes you.
Speaker B:You think evil love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.
Speaker B:Love bears all things.
Speaker B:Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Speaker B:Love never fails.
Speaker B:So I was going through a really tough time with one of our adult children and the choices that were being made.
Speaker B:And the.
Speaker B:This, the part that says, love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.
Speaker B:Just, you know, I don't have to rejoice when she's wanting me to rejoice with things that, as a Christian mom, I can't rejoice with.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So love would not do that.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker B:Love would not do that.
Speaker B:But, you know, if I am not loving, I'm like a clanging brass and, you know, sounding symbol.
Speaker B:If I, you know, I can have faith to move mountains, but if I am acting rudely.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:It's like it does nothing.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So love is so important when you talk about your relationship with your children.
Speaker A:You think that would come so natural as a mom, but when you put it in that perspective, wow.
Speaker B:Is that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Convicting on another level.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:Yeah, we.
Speaker B:And when we all fall short in this area, that's why we need to read it and revisit it.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:And, you know, put your name in there.
Speaker B:You know, put your children's name in there.
Speaker B:And, you know, God is the source of love.
Speaker B:God is love.
Speaker B:And God will give us the love that we need to, you know, that agape love for our children.
Speaker B:And when we have nothing left, you know, God, God, it has an endless supply.
Speaker B:So we need to run to him.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:All right.
Speaker B:Be discreet.
Speaker B:The definition of being discreet is curbing one's desires and impulses.
Speaker B:Self controlled, temperate.
Speaker B:This is an important virtue to be taught by the older women and prayerfully embraced by the next generation.
Speaker B:This character trait is vital for church leadership.
Speaker B:If you, you know, if you read through the characteristic for a bishop and other leaders.
Speaker B:This is something that needs to be there.
Speaker B:And the lack of it may even disqualify many for desired ministries.
Speaker B:If you don't have this character, like, I don't think you can be in biblical guidance if you know you are lacking in this character.
Speaker B:So it is very important that we teach this as older women, okay?
Speaker B:The next virtue is to be chaste, and that is pure from carnality and be being modest.
Speaker B:There's an example in 1st Peter 3 of the chaste conduct of a wife.
Speaker B:And it says when this young wife had this virtue, that God even used it to win over her unbelieving husband, even without a word, because of her chaste character.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It's a powerful thing.
Speaker B:In this virtue will show spiritual maturity because it's the exact opposite of what, how a babe in Christ would act and someone who is still struggling with being envious and having strife from First Corinthians 3.
Speaker B:All right, so those two virtues are so important, okay?
Speaker B:Being a homemaker.
Speaker B:This is one that I've had a lot of pushback, I think in talking to a lot of younger women.
Speaker B:They're like, why is this my job?
Speaker B:Okay, in Proverbs 14:1, it says, Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman pulls it down with her own hands.
Speaker B:So a wise woman will take this role that God has given her and build something beautiful.
Speaker B:Women make a house, a home.
Speaker B:God created us with all that we need to accomplish this wonderful yet daunting task.
Speaker B:The foolish woman can pull it down with her own hands.
Speaker B:If she refuses to accept this God given job, this doesn't mean that the woman has to do it all herself, right?
Speaker B:Because I think that's the, that's the mentality that when they hear that, they're like, why?
Speaker B:I'm a working mom too.
Speaker B:My husband works, I work.
Speaker B:Why do I have to take care of the house too?
Speaker B:That's just not fair.
Speaker B:But God in his wisdom put it here in the list for us to be responsible for.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:But even though she doesn't have to do it all herself, the woman takes the responsibility to set the tone in her home.
Speaker B:And I've made it my goal to make our home a sanctuary where Tim wants to be, because there's peace and joy there now, when the kids were little, you know, and there was that temptation, you know, you've got the kids all day, you're on mom duty, and as soon as he walks through the door, you want to be like, here it's your turn.
Speaker B:I'm done.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But what is so beneficial to husbands is to give them a little bit of time.
Speaker B:Give them some time to come through the door, kind of reset.
Speaker A:So good.
Speaker B:Reset.
Speaker B:And not that they don't want to see the kids, but they just need to shift gears.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Okay, I learned that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And if you just give him a little bit of time, then he's ready to be super dad and play with the kids and help with the daily tasks that need help.
Speaker B:So along with that, it's so important to train our children to help with cleaning and laundry chores at home.
Speaker B:So, yeah, my.
Speaker B:I had a girlfriend that really encouraged me when I was a young mom to do that, because when they're little, it's just so much easier to do it yourself.
Speaker B:It's faster to do it yourself.
Speaker B:You don't have any arguments if you do it yourself, but you're not training your children, and that's so important for them.
Speaker B:And as they get older, it gets better, and they can do the chores without your help.
Speaker B:And then it does lighten the load of mom and dad because they are being able to help around the house.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:And just practically.
Speaker B:So when our kids left home, well, when one of them left home when she went to college, one of her roommates said, can you help me do laundry?
Speaker B:I have no idea how to do my own laundry.
Speaker B:Like, wow, this mom sent her adult daughter to college, and she had no clue how to wash her own clothes.
Speaker B:I mean, that.
Speaker B:That's a.
Speaker B:I feel like that's a failure.
Speaker B:As.
Speaker B:As a mom.
Speaker B:Like, you need to equip your kids to know how to do these things.
Speaker B:And even Timmy's first job, he was still at home, but his first job was at Chick Fil A.
Speaker B:And one of the first things he told him to.
Speaker B:They told him to do was mop the dining room.
Speaker B:And he was like, mom came home from work that day.
Speaker B:Mom, thank you so much for teaching me how to mop.
Speaker B:Because I would have been clueless of what to do, but because I mopped our floors at home.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:I knew just what to do.
Speaker A:So that must be a rewarding point as a mom.
Speaker B:Very satisfying.
Speaker A:Thank you for teaching me how to do this.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker B:So we, as moms, we need to get past the mentality that, oh, no, I'm not gonna do this.
Speaker B:Cause it's gonna be hard.
Speaker B:It's gonna be a fight.
Speaker B:It's gonna be a.
Speaker B:A conflict.
Speaker B:That it'll be the best course of action in the long run.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:So another forward thinker right there.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So with this task, we can make our homes a beautiful place that can be used for hospitality in so many ways.
Speaker B:This, this.
Speaker B:And like I said, this may be one of those areas that you just don't want to do.
Speaker B:I just don't want that.
Speaker B:But I encourage you to be willing to obey the Lord in this command, begin to pray about it.
Speaker B:Just take some small steps in the right direction.
Speaker B:You don't have to be like, okay, I need to be, you know, Martha Stewart, you know, in day, but ask the Lord, okay, what's one thing I can do?
Speaker B:What's one thing I can implement to make my house a more joyful place, a cleaner place, you know, a happier place, but it'll be worth the effort.
Speaker B:And, ladies, you can do it.
Speaker B:You can make your house a home and a sanctuary for your family and just even as our kids were younger, a place where their friends wanted to come.
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker B:You know, in the thick of that.
Speaker A:Yeah, right there.
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:Because they're so friend forward with everything.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You've got to invite those kids into the house.
Speaker B:And especially if you, if your kids have friends who are non believers, if they go to public school, which I did, I, you know, every day of the week, they can come to my home because I'm there.
Speaker B:But I'm not going to send my child to a home where I have no idea what their boundaries are, what their rules are.
Speaker B:So if you make your house a place where your kids want to be right, then it's easier to kind of have a little bit more of an eye on them as they're getting more, you know, freedom as teenagers and their.
Speaker A:Friends want to be there too.
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker B:Timmy actually had band practice in our basement, and he had a ska band.
Speaker B:And it was very loud.
Speaker B:I remember that it was very loud.
Speaker B:And was.
Speaker A:It was a sacrifice because he's a drummer.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:But the Lord told me one day this was training for what I had for him in the future.
Speaker B:And I didn't know that he would be a worship leader, that he would be overproduction, but he.
Speaker B:He was writing music, he was.
Speaker B:He was scheduling practices, you know, and then I would come down with a pan of brownies, and I was just like, yay, Timmy's mom.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So, like, just the simplest thing that you can do, just, you know, be hospitable.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Love his friends and so makes a big difference.
Speaker B:Another.
Speaker B:Another example of that was one of my daughter's friends.
Speaker B:Her family, they were not A believing family.
Speaker B:And when the family would, the whole family and the siblings would come to pick them up from our house, the mom and I would chat for a while.
Speaker B:And so I found out later that one of my daughter's friend's siblings, they were watching again.
Speaker B:They were watching.
Speaker B:And he saw how our home was in contrast to how his home was.
Speaker B:And as a teenager, he gave his life to the Lord because he wanted what we had.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:And so you don't know, like the witness that you can be as you're hospitable as you, you know, because kids make a mess sometimes.
Speaker B:The kids have all your friends, and then you're like, oh, I have this huge mess to clean up.
Speaker B:But what are the things down the road that God is going to use?
Speaker B:You know, as you are open to this being a homemaker.
Speaker B:So do it, ladies.
Speaker B:Do it.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker B:Okay, next one is just be good.
Speaker B:We know what being good is.
Speaker B:So I just thought, well, I'm going to just pull a few scriptures that are going to nail this home.
Speaker B:Micah 6:8.
Speaker B:He has shown you, O man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.
Speaker B: Matthew: Speaker B:So out of our heart the goodness comes, and so we need to continue to work on our heart.
Speaker B: Matthew: Speaker B:His Lord the Lord said, well done, good and faithful servant.
Speaker B:You were faithful over a few things.
Speaker B:I will make you ruler over many.
Speaker B:Enter into the joy of our Lord.
Speaker B:That's what we want to hear when we see our Jesus face to face.
Speaker B:All right, next one.
Speaker B:Obedience to our own husbands.
Speaker B:This is the S word that women don't like.
Speaker B:Submit.
Speaker B:Submit.
Speaker B:So in Ephesians, Colossians, first Peter, it says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, or as fitting to the Lord.
Speaker B:So the good news is we only need to be obedient to our own husbands, Right?
Speaker B:We don't need to be obedient to everyone's husbands, right?
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So again, let's go back to the garden where God gives out the curse to women.
Speaker B:And for listening to the serpent and see what it says.
Speaker B:So in Genesis 3:16, it says, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception.
Speaker B:In pain you will bring forth children.
Speaker B:Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.
Speaker B:And in the new living translation, that last section says, and you will desire control to control your husband, and he will rule over you.
Speaker B:So the curse is not that he will rule over you.
Speaker B:The curse is that we won't like it.
Speaker B:Interesting.
Speaker B:Our desire will be to control him.
Speaker B:And so there's this inner thing that doesn't want to submit because sin nature says, no way I'm controlling you.
Speaker B:You're not gonna tell me what to do.
Speaker B:So that is where the curse comes in, is we won't like it because, you know, we know that God, in his wisdom, he ordered relationships.
Speaker B:Okay?
Speaker B:Even in the Trinity, we see Jesus submitting to the will of the Father.
Speaker B:There's order.
Speaker B:And so God has order as the.
Speaker B:The husband being the head of the wife and the wife submitting to his authority.
Speaker B:He has the responsibility of, you know, the buck stops here.
Speaker B:So he is going to have to stand before God for how he has led his wife and his home.
Speaker B:But we just do not like it that we need to submit.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So we need to grab onto God's command to be doers of the Word and not hearers only.
Speaker B:So because we can hear this, we can know it's true.
Speaker B:But if we're not going to obey God in this command, then we're not being a doer and we're deceiving ourselves.
Speaker B:So, you know, and.
Speaker B:And this is tough, and honestly, we don't want to do it.
Speaker B:Then this.
Speaker B:This one.
Speaker B:Being obedient to your husbands and being a homemaker are some of the biggest issues that I hear from younger women that they just.
Speaker B:They wanted, like, you know, rip that part out of their Bible because they don't want to do it.
Speaker B:So I wanted to go.
Speaker B:You know, that's the end of.
Speaker B:Of the list.
Speaker B:But I wanted to go to second Timothy three because it tells us that what people are going to be like in the last days.
Speaker B:And I really believe that we are living in the last days.
Speaker B:And as I read this list, you'll see how contrary it is to the list in Titus that God wants us to be, to shine as his lights right in the world.
Speaker B:So in second Timothy 3:1, it says, but know this.
Speaker B:Hard times will come in the last days, for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, disobedient to parents, which goes along with, you know, training your children and, you know, having them being obedient, ungrateful, unholy, where we've learned that we are to be chaste, unloving.
Speaker B:God's telling us to be loving, irreconcilable, in the last days are going to be slanders And God specifically tells the older woman to not be a slander without self control.
Speaker B:That is something that women are to be also.
Speaker B:The older men and the younger men, brutal, without love for what it is, for what is good.
Speaker B:God tells us to be good.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:For among them are those who worm their way into households and deceive.
Speaker B:Gullible woman overwhelmed by sins and led astray by various passions.
Speaker B:So we don't want to be gullible.
Speaker B:We don't want to be deceived by these things that are so prevalent in the last days.
Speaker B:Because it's so easy, you know, social media that comes into your home, all, you know, everything that comes in your tv, these things are coming into our home.
Speaker B:And if we don't know the word of God, we don't know who God's called us to be and created us to be as women, then we're going to be led astray.
Speaker B:And so we need to know and be convicted that even though some of these things are hard, they're not the easiest thing in the world.
Speaker B:But if God calls you to do it, he's going to equip you.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker B:And to not just learn it in our heads.
Speaker B:Yeah, I.
Speaker B:Yeah, I know that.
Speaker B:But you're never coming to the knowledge of the truth.
Speaker B:You're never grabbing hold of it and saying, okay, this is something I'm going to do.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So I just want to encourage all the women to embrace the truth of God's word.
Speaker B:Embrace, you know, who you are.
Speaker B:You know, you might think that, oh, well, I'm a young woman, I'm in my 30s, but there's teenagers that are younger than you.
Speaker B:And you can be.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker B:You can admonish them in purity and different things.
Speaker B:I remember our purity class when you were a teenager.
Speaker B:You know, I mentored her.
Speaker B:And then so, so there's, you know, there's always an opportunity for us to receive and also to give to someone else.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So I wanted to read this last encouragement in Titus.
Speaker B:As I was saying, you know, we're in the last days and kind of the doom and gloom of how everything's going to be.
Speaker B:I mean, there's.
Speaker B:God is going to reward us, it says in Titus 2:11.
Speaker B:For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously and godly in this present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Speaker B:He's coming soon he's coming at any time and we need to be ready.
Speaker B:And because God gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people, zealous for good works.
Speaker B:So he says to speak these things, exhort and rebuke with all authority and let no one despise you.
Speaker B:So I hope nobody despises me.
Speaker B:So for some of the hard things that the Word has said, you know, to exhort and you know, maybe you felt convicted or rebuked because maybe you're not doing some of the things that the Word says.
Speaker B:But, but God changes us, you know, so he, you know, we haven't always once were we right?
Speaker B:We, we have a testimony of how we were before Christ, how we were when we were a younger, and how, you know, God is changing us and molding us into the image of Jesus.
Speaker B:So we don't wanna look at these things and say, oh, I fall so short.
Speaker B:And you take that hammer and you start hammering it over your own head because you feel like you're just not a good woman or whatever.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:But God, God wants to teach us.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And even as I shared that I didn't have a mentor, my mentors kind of came from afar.
Speaker B:Like, I've never actually met my mentors.
Speaker B:Once a year as a pastor's wife, I would go away to a conference and these women who were older than me shared their life.
Speaker B:They shared, they shared honestly about their successes, about their failures, and shared from the word of God.
Speaker B:And there was always something different for me to take away.
Speaker B:And sometimes what they shared, I wasn't going through.
Speaker B:But then, oh, two years later, I remember when she shared this and I was able to apply it to my life.
Speaker B:So I would encourage you if you are frustrated because you really want that one on one woman to walk side by side you in life and she's just not there.
Speaker B:That doesn't mean you can't be mentored, you know, especially in this day and age when you can go on YouTube and pull up amazing speakers.
Speaker B:So I have several people that are older than me that I listen to on a regular basis.
Speaker B:I love the teachings of the Word of God from men and women.
Speaker B:But there's something when you sit under a, a teacher who's a woman, it's like she just gets it, like from the core of what you're struggling with and that you can receive in a different way from a woman who's teaching the word of God than you can from a man.
Speaker B:So I just would encourage you that there's mentors out there, you know, look at the fruit of their lives, you know, make sure that there's good fruit coming from their life.
Speaker B:You don't want to.
Speaker B:I mean, there's false teachers out there too, but you want to look at someone that has tried and true relationship with Jesus, good fruit coming from their life, and, and learn from them.
Speaker B:If you don't have someone, you know, in your church or in your neighborhood that can be your mentor and admonish you and.
Speaker B:And a lot of times, like when I've mentored women, it's for a season, you know, it's not for life.
Speaker B:And so for a season, you walk alongside and then kind of as we do as moms, our children grow up and you're like, okay, now it's time to spread your wings and go out into the world.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So anyway, I just, I'm so thankful for this time to be with you and just to encourage you that the word of God is there for everyone and the word of God is something that can change your life as you read it and apply it.
Speaker B:And just as I didn't have a mentor, you know, I even think about my husband, you know, he didn't have a dad, and his best friend didn't have a dad, but by being in the word of God and seeing how it has taught him to be a dad and to be a man of honor, you know, it's like that in every area of our lives that we can dig in to this living word and God can teach us and mold us and make us into the image of Jesus Christ.
Speaker B:So that is beautiful.
Speaker A:All right, thank you so much.
Speaker B:You're welcome.
Speaker B:So good.
Speaker A:And hopefully this podcast can maybe be that for other women as we share our.
Speaker A:Our stories and what we've gone through.
Speaker A:And now more people have had access to you to miss Kathy, which is the great treasure of what this, of this.
Speaker B:Awesome.
Speaker B:So sweet.
Speaker B:So, so sweet.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker A:And we will talk to you guys next time.
Speaker A:And that's a wrap on this episode of the Wise, her podcast.
Speaker A:If you laughed, cried, or just nodded silently while folding a load of laundry, then our mission is accomplished.
Speaker A:If you have any thoughts, questions for one of us or a parenting story that you might could get a Netflix special out of, please email us@infohewiseherpodcast.com and yes, we will read them.
Speaker A:Be sure to rate, review and follow us wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker A:A big thanks to our technical advisor, Reid Uberman.
Speaker A:Sound engineering and editing by Chase Seraney and our music man, Connor Polachek.
Speaker A:Until next time, moms, stay caffeinated, stay prayed up and stay wise.
Speaker A:Her.
